Dad Jokes

Why did the scarecrow become a motivational speaker? Because he was outstanding in his field!
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
What do you call a dinosaur that takes care of its teeth? A Flossiraptor.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack up.
What did one wall say to the other? “I’ll meet you at the corner!”
Why can’t basketball players go on vacation? Because they would get called for traveling.
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Barefoot!
Why did the bicycle fall over? It was drunk.
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A Labracadabrador!
Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!
What’s a tornado’s favorite game? Twister!
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
Why don’t programmers prefer dark mode? Because the light attracts bugs.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Why was the math teacher suspicious of the number 8? Because it was acting too odd.
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they might be up to something.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants.
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
What did one plate say to the other? “Dinner’s on me!”
Why did the scarecrow get promoted? He was great at motivating the crops.
What’s the Wi-Fi password at a haunted house? You can’t connect because the signal’s dead.
Why don’t skeletons go to scary movies? They don’t have the stomach for it.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh!
Why did the bread go to therapy? It had too many “kneady” issues.
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it’s R, but it’s the C they love!
Why did the cucumber blush at the vegetable dance? It overheard the carrots talking about their “steamy” encounter in the stew.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
Why was the broom late for work? It overswept.
What did the zero say to the eight? “Nice belt!”
Why don’t elephants use computers? They’re afraid of the mouse.
What do you call a bear that sings? A gummy bear!
Why did the clock go to therapy? It had too many “ticking” problems.
What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? Boo-berry pie!
Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.
What do you call a dad who tells bad jokes? A pun-isher!